I took my fics down because I grew up. I grew up and I realised what I was writing was horrible, self-indulgent gore. Yes people like to see characters hurt, for the 'feels', but I massacred them rather more than most people should enjoy. Not personality-wise but sexually. I wrote a BDSM fic equalising using BDSM as a torture tool (Only You). I regret that. I also wrote a 'propper' BDSM fic (Suburbia). That wasn't too bad. There was some time between my writing the two by a few years, and there is my progress.
I never claimed to be a particularly healthy person when I was younger and my writing helped me vent and calmed me down and made me wonderful friends that i'm still in contact with. Twitter is awesome for that.
I started writing my first YYH on LJ when I was 16. I don't know how but somehow blueutopiah found me and suddenly I had a few reviewers who read my smut and liked my stuff. Not everyone liked my gore but they read it. I felt important, for the first time in my life. I didn't feel useless, I didn't feel worthless and I didn't feel like nothing, like i'd been told I was all my life. I tried to commit suicide In very early 2011 and my friends from these shit fics I wrote, a whole country away, helped me get back onto my feet. I even gained a girlfriend from the fandom. She and I are no longer together but we're good friends and that relationship helped me a lot. It was a good era of my life, and hell if i'm going to let go of those friends even now.
When I changed my name from osoimaru to creepstakes it was a metamorphosis. I stopped writing yyh fic, though I continued to RP it and I still RP as Kuronue. I wrote a few fics under the creepstakes name, some as recently as late 2014 in the Castlevania fandom. I wrote some other fics under another name in the World of Warcraft and Batman fandom.
Through all this time I realised things about myself.
The latest one is that I'm done. I'm ready to unhitch myself from this shipwreck and sail on to different things. That being original writing and the occasional World of Warcraft fic that will never see the light of day and maybe some other occasional fic. Currently in my RL life I'm running a business, attending university and I'm also looking for part time work. I have long-term goal and none of it actually involves writing fic, that's just a hobby instead of an obsession now. I grew up. I'm an actual complete person now. I have shit to do. The little brat who wrote these fics is gone; I therapied her to death, and that god for that, because she had issues, man.
I still have some quirks, but I'm happy with what I am now. I don't put up with shit. I've put up with shit all my life and looking back on all this shit I've written while dealing with, while getting reviews on it, makes me angry. Because my fics are mostly torture-porn and sex, and people gush over them like they're hot as hell. They're not. It's tortureporn and I don't want to normalise that. I don't want to be connected to it anymore and I don't think other people should be reading it. I don't want it floating around where any kid can read it.
I'm not saying that I hate fic or that I've lost taste for it, i've just lost taste for all my old stuff. I don't want to be connected to it anymore. i love reading other peoples fic and reviewing and talking and laughing about things.
That said I'm not leaving the internet (as if I could ever do that, i'm gen Y) I'm just changing again, like I did when I went from osoimaru into creepstakes. It's just that this time I want there to be minimal links to my next incarnation. I want the friends I have made and anyone else who is interested to let me know, and I'll point you in my direction but creepstakes is done.
For the lurkers, you're always welcome to come find me too. I love you and you matter. Everyone matters. Everyone is worth it.
Also RIP Monty Oum. I shall try to keep moving. The Internet won't be the same.